Monday, July 21, 2008

kids and school

So like, at the end of the school year I felt really impressed that it was time to put Jackson back into school for next year. He hasn't been to school, well he has, but not full time since the end of Kindergarten. We've homeschooled him for 5 years but he's received services from the school like speech therapy 3-4 times a week and 4-8 hours a week with a special ed teacher for 1-5th grade.

At the end of Kindergarten, LM and I had a big pow wow with his teacher, the principal, the special ed teacher, and his speech therapist about what we would like to happen for the following year. ALL of them wanted him to go onto 1st grade and LM and I felt like it was a bad idea but they did not listen to us and planned for him to move on to 1st grade. He wasn't ready and I think they knew he wasn't ready but because of "political" crap he was being moved on.

ANYWAY, during that summer all I could think about was how much I knew that he shouldn't be moving on but I felt completely powerless. I prayed but nothing, then finally 1 week before school was suppose to start 2 of my good friends (1 of them being a teacher and the other a teachers aid) told me that they both decided to pull there kids out of school and homeschool...all of a sudden this voice said "This is what you need to do!" and I said to my voice " YOU ARE CRAZY AND STOP TALKING!" then I had to explain to the voice that I was just a few short week away from delivering my 3rd child and that this is a crazy idea! I was like " I don't know how to teach!" " do you remember my grades?" " OH and I'm about to have a baby...remember?!?!" but the voice was persistent. Sooo, I prayed and then prayed again hoping for a different answer. I needed to homeschool. And now, I'm so glad I did. I learned so much about Jackson, things that I wouldn't have known without being his teacher. I taught him the alphabet and by mid year he was reading. It was beautiful and I'm so thankful that I could be a witness to it, especially since it seem like such an impossible goal considering where he started. We've had our ups and downs and I've had my burnout moments but it's been a positive experience.

Now here I am again with the same voice telling me to put him in school...but...of course there's a but...I'm conflicted. I know that this is what Heavenly Father wants but it's now no longer what I want. Yeah I want to have less crazy days, yeah, I want to have a cleaner house, yeah I want a less noisy house during the day, yeah I'd like time to work on my own schooling BUT... I'm scared. Crazy isn't it? He's not scared but I am. I remember middle school and even though he's not me I know that middle school issues are universal. Because of his learning disabilities, he's below grade level, he'll be spending time in special ed so I'm scared that he'll get teased, made fun of or just treated bad. We've already seen it this summer. A neighbor kid that he has been friends with no longer wants to be his friend, he's embarrassed to be with Jackson and makes him promise that he won't tell anyone that they played together. Jackson is clueless and is like "whatever" but I see it and it hurts my feelings. This punk kid is embarrassed to play with my son and it makes me sad.

How do I get past my own fears and trust that Heavenly Father knows what he's doing? this sucks! The closer September comes the more anxious I feel. Someone make me feel better.

5 comments:

Amanda said...

In my experience, I have never regretted doing what I felt was a prompting to do. So it should work out for the best. Can I get the name and address of that kid that said that to Jackson? I want to go over there and beat him up. That makes me so sad!

sarastrasser said...

I totally understand what you mean!!! Elementary school for the resource kids isn't so bad but Middle school and high school are. Whether or not he is in resource, he will be teased. Kids are just like that. It is part of the learning process. It will help him to be more resilient (<-- did I spell that right?) and teach him things that will help him later on in life. Good Luck with everything!! I sympathize with you.

ajesplin said...

I'm being prompted to beat that kid up too.

Cord only has one more year of elementary school, then I don't know what I'm going to do. I loved his elementary school experience vicariously through him. But Middle school in Las Vegas is scary. There were six pregnant girls at the MS he's zoned for, and probably six baby daddies. Could you imagine?

Emily said...

I completely understand why you feel conflicted. Caleb started middle school last year and it has been brutal. If it weren't for the sports and music programs, I would definitely pull him out and home school him. BUT, I have learned (the hard way) that if I try to go against what I've been prompted to do, it comes back to bite me. You are a great mom and the fact that you've done so much good with him already, tells me that he will probably be just fine. Go with your gut. You can't go wrong. Good luck and let us know what you decide. ((HUGS))

abutler said...

My heart goes out to you. i am so impressed that you have home schooled your kids. I home schooled Molly & Sam but got paid for it. I can't even imagine my own kids let a lone not getting paid for it. Middle School is going to be tough wether you have a disablity or not. If you are feeling prompted to send him that's what you need to do. Then you have to exercise your faith and be there for your kid when he does go through some hard times. That's life...right? You're a really good Mom.