Saturday, August 9, 2008

I hate to self diagnose but I think

I have the Case of the Mondays, except it's Saturday, in fact I'm having it everyday. What is that called? Pity party maybe? Don't read on if you don't want to hear how annoying and self centered I've been lately, that all I think about is myself and how I'M feeling.

I've been stressing myself out lately by watching LM stress out about his job contract and how it's going to end soon. Not as soon as was originally planned, it was going to end this coming week but instead they moved the end to October which just feels like delayed doom, just a few more months of constant stress of trying to find another job to take it's place and so far nothing has come up and it makes me want to cry cause I can't stand seeing LM stressed. SOMEONE GIVE THE MAN A JOB THAT PAYS WELL AND HAS INSURANCE SO I CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!

Did you hear that God? I was talking more to you than anyone.

I've been drinking enormous amounts of diet Pepsi and more than my share of chocolate to comfort myself but it doesn't comfort, instead it makes my clothes tight(er) which delves me deeper in self pity because I'm a big gigantic fatty lump. Doesn't that sound appetizing? UGH

I'm having a Love/Hate relationship with my house. I love that it's been there for us, it's kept us cool or warm depending. It's kept us safe and I know that this house was meant for us. BUT I hate it right now. There's so many little things and a few BIG things that need to be fixed or replaced that it makes me want to cry. Before the first job lose in January, we were on track to have enough money saved to replace the carpets and fix all the little things this summer, instead we had to live off it and now we have $5.00 in savings which makes me want to puke because we will probably still only have $5.00 in savings when October comes around. The more I dwell on all of this the more I just want to pack up my van and abandon my house and it's broken stinky couches and my lump bed and move far far away. Where? I don't know, I don't know where I'd want to move but at least I'd be free from this money sucking pit of a house.

Maybe I just need more sleep.

I know that life really isn't this bad and maybe it's just my hormones or something but today it feels like the world sucks and I'm not really the kind of person who thinks the world sucks.

OH then to top it off last night when I got on my computer to I read abcnews.com to catch up on world affairs or the entertainment section...whatever. I read about this guy and now I know the world is going in the toilet. I can't believe a politician had an affair! It's shocking...oh so shocking.

3 comments:

Amanda said...

Great! I am not the only one. Lets be our own little support group.

Emily said...

Huge ((HUGS)). We are all entiled to our own pity parties every now and then. Hopefully it felt good to get it all out! I'm sorry things are feeling so crappy. It'll get better, promise. Hang in there and know that you are loved!!
I'll keep your family in our prayers that a good job comes your way.

ajesplin said...

I think your feelings are pretty justified. As far as the job problems go, we've been there and it was one of the hardest things we've been through! Depressing and frustrating. I'm glad it happened because it led to some big changes, but that's probably the last thing you want to hear right now. ;) Wallow in despair for a few more days, and then snap out of it. I'm sure you'll come up with a brilliant plan.