Friday, February 5, 2010

Jackson




My bff is out of town right now and usually I vent and talk things through with her but since she's on a much needed vacay I'm gonna do it here.

Jackson came to me during Christmas break and asked me to homeschool him again. He said that he's being teased, he's not happy with school and would really like to come back home. I told him to try to work things out and see what happens when he goes back to school. Last night, he came to me right before bed with tears and said that he would really like to be homeschooled again. Guys, I don't know what to do.

LM and I, had a nice long discussion about it last night and I still feel mixed. Do I bring him home and have him miss some of the stuff he gets from being at school or do I leave him there and teach him to stick with it. I know for some this would be an easy answer but I don't think it is. I had to ask myself this question. Would I, as an adult, keep going to a place that made me feel bad about myself daily? Is it better to allow his self esteem to be tested to make him "stronger"? The fact is, he will never be like everybody else and honestly, I'm glad he's not. He has Aspergers, and though he can learn a lot of behaviors and he's really good at mimicking, he's still different. When I pick him up from school, I see him walking by himself, talking to himself. I see the way that kids look at him. Most of the time he's oblivious but sometimes they make sure that he's aware of how different he is. I also understand why some kids would be annoyed by him because he is bossy, doesn't understand personal space, he's not aware of how the things he says and does effects other people, and he takes a long time to verbally get his ideas out. He also goes to school without complaining because those are the rules and he's a rule abider and that's what he's suppose to do, so for him to be upset enough to remember to tell me that he's not happy is a big deal.

If I did bring him home, he still would go to the school for speech therapy and his skills class so he would still get that support. But would it be better to keep his self esteem beefed up by us and keep him in school?

He's my baby and I wish that I could make all the right decisions with him so that he grows up happy and healthy, so if anyone has a child manual that I could borrow I would super duper appreciate it.

UGH

I guess I'm not really looking for answers from you guys I just need a sounding board....sigh....I miss Carrie. (but don't feel bad Carrie if you read this, I'm super duper glad your getting a well deserved break!!! Don't call me! Seriously!)

12 comments:

Markie23 said...

I think Amy is working on one of those child rearing books. I'd ask her what to do. I'm just glad I'm not that one to have to make that decision. Good luck!

ManicMandee said...

That's really sad Cristin!!! I feel so bad about Jackson and this tough decision you are facing. I don't know what you should do. But one thing I DO know is that you are his mom and are ENTITLED to have inspiration and direction for your son and how to raise him the way he needs. I am sure either way you go there will be pros and cons. Good luck and please keep us posted!!! Homeschooling is going great for us for now. But I am concerned about Jonah in many similar ways you do for Jackson and I wonder how long I should do this for him. So I'll be especially interested to watch what you do.

Emily said...

Oh Cristin! This is a tough one. I can certainly see the logic in your dilemma. I have no doubt you will make the right choice for Jackson. It's so hard to know what will be best for our children in the long run. I struggled with some of these things with my oldest and in the end I decided to leave him in Middle School instead of pulling him out. He tells me now that he's glad I did. We don't want to teach our kids that if things get tough, you just quit but at the same time, we want our kids to feel safe and happy. It's SO hard being the mom. SO hard. Good luck and keep us posted. You are an amazing mother and I'm sure it'll all work out fine!

mybabyjohn said...

You so often hear of schools that have an assembly or information day regarding the issues one of their "special" students have. Perhaps your sons school could have something similar where his condition can be explained and have it pointed out that he, like everyone else, has challenges but that underneath it all, he is just a kid like them. Just a suggestion. Keep your chin up. Darn I wish these kids came with instruction manuals.

Memzy said...

Parenting is HARD!!! Good luck. You'll do great. Whatever happens.

Jenny ESP said...

Poor kid! Poor mom! That's a really tough decision. I can't even think of anything to say! I'm a bad sounding board. Give him ice cream on Fridays. He needs a reward for every week of middle school that he makes it through.

cookiejar crazy said...

wow ur cute im not but u have a nice familia

Kat said...

Oh Cristin, what a tough decision you have to make. :(

I'll argue for homeschooling if you want a point of view on that... I don't think it's quitting at all, or a sign of weakness, or teaching him not to tough it out if you were to make that decision. It's teaching him that you take him seriously, and that it's ok to find a better way to do the things he needs to do. The "normal" way may not always be the best way for him.

And remember, whatever decision you make does not have to be a perminant one. Or, maybe there's another option you are missing, like perhaps a simple school transfer. Or maybe there are programs in your area where he can socialize with other special kids and help him raise his self-esteem that way? Where I work, we have a mon - fri day program for special people, as well as different night programs and outings and all sorts of things. Last month, I took a bunch of teenagers to a dance for people with special needs. It was a great night. Perhaps there is something like that in your area?

You know your son best. You know your family. And, somehow, the right decision will just come to you. :)

Also, thank you very much for your visit and kind words. It actually really made my day. :) Love your blog, I'll be back for a visit soon!

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