Wednesday, September 26, 2012

My sarcasm vs. emotional self.

So...I'm posting another emotional post.  I don't like it any more than you do but there are things I just want to get out and hopefully it'll be out of my system after this. ::crosses fingers::

Today the house is being auctioned.  I'm actually pretty numb about it, I hope someone buys it so it gets taken care of but I'm not even a little sad about it.  Early on, when I knew that we were going to lose it, I cried alot but more for my ego than anything.  I worried about what our friends and neighbors would think, I was sad for the kids since this is the only home that they remember.  Bub was even born in this house.  I cried because I failed and not the private kind of fail but "everyone" would know that I failed.  Nothing like other people knowing things that feel so private but here I am today...I don't care.  I just don't care, in the end, it doesn't matter what my neighbor that I don't even like thinks.  It doesn't matter that we failed but that we are getting back up and creating a new future and fixing what we broke. I've never felt so hopeful. I look at my future and I feel relief that sooner than later we will have our financial mess cleaned up and that one day we will own our own home again.  I'm grateful for this house and the time we lived here but I wish the next family who lives here joy and happiness. 

Our new house is small...comparatively. We're going from 2800 sq ft to 1500 and to say that it feels intimate is an understatement but...I love it.  I love that I can stand in the kitchen and see where everyone is.  I love that we aren't all spread out, I love that Bub can't drag his toys to 3 levels of a house, I love that I have one less bathroom to clean, I love that I've had an excuse to get rid of stuff that we've held onto for the "just in case."  No more just in case, we don't have the room and I love it.  No more energy wasted on things that we don't love or use.  I love it.  I feel so free.  I'm positive I'm going to have moments where our intimate house is going to make me crazy but right now...I love it! 

I'm glad that all of this is almost over.  I'm thankful that I have the best sister in the universe that gives me the words I needed to hear at the moment where I felt the most hopeless and helpless.  Thank you sissypants.

Ok...end of emotional crap.  I hope to be back to my sarcastic self soon.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

That's right! 5!!!!!

1.  Mind Reader series by Lori Brighton and it's not just because I emailed her and she emailed me back and I'm still nerding out about it.  The first book is The Mind Readers, the second is The Mind Thieves and the third which is coming out around the 17th is The Mind Games.  It should be safe to start reading now.  You won't have to go through the physical pain of waiting for the last book to come out...serious...physical pain.  The 2nd book ends in a freakin cliff hanger, you'll be like "What the ...BEEP!".  So good.

2.  MIKA.  I can't help myself.  He's adorabibble and his music cheers me up.

Once I get up I feel better
And I pull myself together
I remember those two letters
It will be OK

 3. A weekend with no kids.  It is AWESOME!!!!

4. Seeing my kids after a long weekend away.  It is AWESOME!!!!

5. Life.  The past 6 or so months...what am I's probably closer to a year,  I've been so up and so down emotionally that I hardly know what to say.  I've cried...a lot, gotten angry and frustrated, asked "why?",felt lots and lots of regret but in the end... I love my life. Out of all the ugly has come new hopes and dreams, a new appreciation for everything I have and am.  I love my family, I love that I KNOW what's truly important, I love knowing that a house doesn't make a home, I love that I can easily separate what I want from what I need, I love music, I love books, I love seeing my kids grow up, I love seeing Larry's smile after he's been on his motorcycle, I love my friends, I love love love my life.  There are so many things right now that just plain suck but I realize that none of it will last forever, that eventually the dust will settle and what will be left are the things that I love.

Thursday, September 6, 2012


I'm in such a funky funk that I don't know what the funk to do about it.  Funks suck.  I don't know if it's the no job funk, or we're losing our house funk or the I can't find a stupid rental in our town so the kids might have to go to a different school funk, or the I don't know where we're going to live next month funk or the kids have gone back to school and now I'm hearing complaining about homework funk, or the I'm so sick of going through our crap that now I just want to throw it all out and start fresh funk.  So many funks, can't decide which one is the funkiest.  Though things funk, I don't want you to get the idea that I'm a funker. I'm grateful for so many things and 80ish % of the time I have a positive attitude about all of it, I feel hopefully with so many good things in my life, it's just the funky stuff is really loud in my head right now. Just having a funk moment.

And just because I heart them...
this is the song that was in my head when I woke up.