So...I'm posting another emotional post. I don't like it any more than you do but there are things I just want to get out and hopefully it'll be out of my system after this. ::crosses fingers::
Today the house is being auctioned. I'm actually pretty numb about it, I hope someone buys it so it gets taken care of but I'm not even a little sad about it. Early on, when I knew that we were going to lose it, I cried alot but more for my ego than anything. I worried about what our friends and neighbors would think, I was sad for the kids since this is the only home that they remember. Bub was even born in this house. I cried because I failed and not the private kind of fail but "everyone" would know that I failed. Nothing like other people knowing things that feel so private but here I am today...I don't care. I just don't care, in the end, it doesn't matter what my neighbor that I don't even like thinks. It doesn't matter that we failed but that we are getting back up and creating a new future and fixing what we broke. I've never felt so hopeful. I look at my future and I feel relief that sooner than later we will have our financial mess cleaned up and that one day we will own our own home again. I'm grateful for this house and the time we lived here but I wish the next family who lives here joy and happiness.
Our new house is small...comparatively. We're going from 2800 sq ft to 1500 and to say that it feels intimate is an understatement but...I love it. I love that I can stand in the kitchen and see where everyone is. I love that we aren't all spread out, I love that Bub can't drag his toys to 3 levels of a house, I love that I have one less bathroom to clean, I love that I've had an excuse to get rid of stuff that we've held onto for the "just in case." No more just in case, we don't have the room and I love it. No more energy wasted on things that we don't love or use. I love it. I feel so free. I'm positive I'm going to have moments where our intimate house is going to make me crazy but right now...I love it!
I'm glad that all of this is almost over. I'm thankful that I have the best sister in the universe that gives me the words I needed to hear at the moment where I felt the most hopeless and helpless. Thank you sissypants.
Ok...end of emotional crap. I hope to be back to my sarcastic self soon.